The other one in the mirror

I just turned 42, and I can remember an episode of one of my several lives: I’m in front of the mirror of a dressing table and with my left hand I’m trying to push away my own reflection. Do not think I was stoned, but lost. I came to realize after two attempts of trying to push away that stranger, that it was me. At that time I had around 24 years old. I’m living on the top roof of a house in one of the thought neighborhoods of Medellin, Colombia. I’m living next to my little Sophia and the shadow of a man who was coming and going, a shadow that chased me for a couple years more.

I was living one of my biggest battles, I was trying to show someone that did not really exist for us, that it was worth being a father, while fighting with all the strength of my soul to stay on my feet. That life charged me a gigantic bill, I was on the edge of not being able to recognize my own face. I ironically thought that I looked like a 40-year-old woman. Now that I have reached that age, I’m able to realize that I didn’t even see myself back then as a real person, it was something I still do not think is understandable.

I needed to fight a battle, I tried with all the strength that I had at that moment, but in the end I failed. I remember the return to my mother’s house, she did not want me back to be under her roof again; Now I understand why. I had to give my war, one where my adversary was myself, a stubborn, arrogant woman, without experience in anything, with a sea of knowledge of an inch of depth, that’s it. I knew everything and I did not at the same time. At the end I came back to my mother’s house with my tail between my legs.

for today’s story -in which I did not wanted to write a happy ending- is dedicated to all of you women who have made a mistake in their love life, attracting shadows, ghosts, men who do not want to be by your side, who are nothing or a thing. The fight is not against them, the struggle is against yourselves. Only you can separate yourself from that darkness, from those people, it is in your hands to make a new life.

Today I look in the mirror and see myself, I see Yeni and her struggles, her failures and her conquests, her virtues, but above all I see myself, something that did not happened back on the memory of this story.  

today I end this story with a question: when you look in the mirror, do you see yourself?

By Yeni Toro Go



Pamela Muñoz Graphic Designer

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